Archive for July, 2008

He said something about me taking solace in random flirting and then running off to hide in my turf somewhere off Bidandi’s side. He said he had heard it all that I love to flirt like she loves to say she is beautiful. And damn he is so right, Its my best moment seeing some random guy buying it. But I will not say his exact words least I come off as an egomaniac. So anywho I am talking about this dude who took time off say more than 20 minutes to play mind games with me. I hate those things. I hate them so much I wanted to jump over wherever he was and give him a chiding. Worse still I don’t know who this was.
Was it that dude who cannot stop shouting about his achievements and the fact that knowing him is near to touched by an angel? I don’t know where these men get all that taaba they smoke or is it the kwete I don’t care but dude I really don’t care what stupid girl shows off about boning a midget like you.

“I was sitting right across her and she was going on about me, gave my exact description. She described the car I drive my BMW”
I hear you pompous buffoon go one tell me about your royality.

“I don’t know who had told her I am from the royal family but she said I was. Girls like to show off that they have slept with me I don’t even know some of them”

And we are talking about a 30 something moron raised in those of outside countries. Which brought up the next slide show.
Something about someone else who was lying about being an invited guest to Mandela dinner.
“I was their I was invited by the owner of Zain or Celtel.”

He is called Saad Al Baarak but dude I don’t want to take the show off your hands so please assume I know nothing.

“There were like 50 tables only. 50. And I was one of the people with a personal invitations. You know we watched from a different place”
Yeah dude you sure did.

“And we had time to chat with Mandela, I talked to Mandela and I also met some investors I want to invite back to Uganda.”
This guy must think the sun shines right out of his ass the way he was going on.
But yes again being the ‘flirty’ me the topic turned around to me.

“So what’s a girl like you doing this Saturday?”
I had a thing later.

“When was the last time you had sex?”
For the life of me I couldn’t remember so I let him know.

“Say I hook you up with my cousin Michael”
I had had enough of the show by this time. The thing is I know this buffoon. I have heard anything and everything there is to know about him and his kind. His non stop raging about “I am an angle who can bring world peace”
I had met him before, twice in fact. First time he had come to pick up a friend of mine at whose I had gone for a sleepover.
She was in love with his BMW sports car and his ridiculous spending. Said he was new in town she handles his phone accounts. “But he is short I don’t do short men” Next thing I know she is zooming off in his ‘8’ personalised machine. No doubt that thing can get you some goodies in this town.
Anyway the next time I met him I was sitting with this Michael dude. Pompous had one of the most beautiful woman I had seen in this town on his hand. And yes she was taller. Anyway My best friend was there too because she dates Michael. So I know anything there is to know about Michael even his performance in the “sauck”.

“Michael has been to my house more times than I can recall”

The look on his face was priceless as I divulged my knowledge of him.

“So who is your ideal man?”
Nothing gives me a twinkle than an intelligent man with intellectual banter.

“Oh well I guess that leaves only me”
The hell it does buffoon.

But remember I said I love torture, I wasn’t ready to let this game end here. I was ready to play and play I planned on doing. See I will always know what he says of me as he will report to Michael who will in turn report to my best friend and of course she will call me the minute she has all the 411. Let the games begin. God I love this

P.S I am off to meet mysterious man so I can have a good night sleep not worrying about who it is that is stalking me.


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Mini BHH

I can never spin it better than he did, in fact It would be overbearing on my side if I tried to. Yo’ll would think I am insane trying to outdo that. You guys just make me want to quit blog altogether.

But anyway he said I have the photos, I will give them to you right here

That there is the famous cup. If you know where I can buy 20 of them hala

Thats the watch holding a whole glass Ok at least the whole reflection so you can imagine I have to tie my hand around my neck as if my hand is broken so I can carry it around

Is that face broken? Asking doe a come back? Crying into its tea or laughing at our stupid gullible selves for believing his spin.

See those seductress eyes I am talking about. They are calling out to you Cheri Ish and Carlo. And of course Sharon.

That is the burger-eating-with-a-fork Tandra

I hear his player days are gone thanks to Mrs

And yes listenig to B2B talk, he is a retired true player. For Eddslah he gat those come and get me eyes. The kind that tell you they want to lay you right there but can wait for later. I still dont know what I was doing there, he gat it all figured out and more, much more. In fact his hands are so full. I thought I was going to walk into a zombie sobbing into his tea only to meet a happy face in fact glowing face. Nigga that is why you paid the bill twice. Here is how much he contributed the second time.

Can you imagine? and the bill was 33 fucking thou 600 shillings.

Ok he pulled out the whole wallet. And yes Cheri you featured along with Carlo and Ish. Eddslah thinks you are the hottest things he has seen. Wouldnt mind a piece of what he saw some time at fat boys. Carlo he says Dante is his boy in the hood so hands off. At least that was how B2B advised

“Dude when 24 hours pass after meeting a guy and talking, stay away from his girl/s, sister or cousin. Stay away from Carlo”

I dont know about Ish though.

And that Antipop. Said she would pass by if she had spare time. Yeah. well guess what, we didnt miss you at all.

Tandra was there all right all smily and bubbley. You might want to know she is the only one who could jump into her ride back to wheredidyousayitwas?

Then of course Tumwi’s yest post featured under the name a deep post. What is a meet up without Baz or Ivan’s name invading the small talk. And I heard there is a famous Iwaya blog plus Petesmama. DeTamble I still think you are Ugandan coz everyone seemed to know you like the back of their hand.

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So I was having the time of my life yesterday at Theatre factory while waiting for Pablo the stand up comedian to show his face. All manner of people made their way in even the Turas I last saw years ago. That place is where you will meet your long lost cousin I am telling you. And if you want to hate your new camisole or jeans, go to comedy night, you will find ten other girls wearing the same thing

Anyway in walks this very tall dude. So tall my mind told me it was Ivan. So I pull out my diary and pen, clear my voice, pick the chikati out of my teeth and brush this guy I was talking to off my shoulder. All in preparation for an autograph. This guy but had a bush on his head, more like the teenager Ivan blogged about. And I see no bush on his head at Darlkom’s facebook. And does Ivan walk with a spring in his step? I don’t know. Anyway big haired dude passes me again with this really hot chic saying something like, “Anyone wants a hot doggy?” This while I made my first step towards him.
The hell I would want one right there in the middle of everyone. So I pretend to be writing down something and put the diary right back where it came from. And no it was not Ivan I figured later, at least that is what Bebe Cool said.

Anyway a few minutes later this very hot dude walks in. My attention completely shifts and I shut out the world to redirect all my attention to this sex on legs god. He had a perfect square jaw shaven like Mario on his “Turning Point” album cover.

He was hot. No let me repeat that. He was HOOOOOT like a bad boy. Dressed like a bad boy and walking like he owns the world.
I went weak in the knees. I was eating candy with my eyes. I stared, yes B2B we do that too. In fact I ogled, undressed him with my eyes and took a thousand photos with my eyes. That is all I could afford at the moment.
But the show had to come to an end so it did and I found myself at the footsteps of the theatre standing in front of him waiting for my ride. And there it was staring at me begging for my attention. Asking me to look at it and look again. So I did and paid careful attention to make sure my eyes were not playing tricks on me.
Right there written in glitter on his T-Shirt “I AM SUPERFLY”
WTF. I mean dude I can see that you are. In fact spent half of my time here enjoying the view but did you have to rub it in? What is the word for this kind? I wanted to faint. I wanted to tell him to get a life. To grow up to at least just shout in his face or something for being so pathetic. All I could afford is “If you think you are super fly why don’t you sleep with yourself?”. But there is still an ounce of manners in me I just let the idiot be.

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You perverts. That most certainly is’nt me its some chic from those of UK. Granted I have the mind blowing thing every other time if you gat game but I cant be this animal like.  This is some Briton apparently i read about at this site

I couldn’t let this pass on you my cool people. Here goes.

SEXY Ellie Allen is a girl who just can’t say no— because she’s too busy saying Yes…Yes…YES!

The pretty brunette suffers from a rare but genuine medical condition that means she has up to 250 orgasms a DAY.

It’s called Permanent Sexual Arousal Syndrome—PSAS.

But Ellie isn’t moaning—in fact she can see the funny side of her complaint.

“Men brag that they’d love a woman who can’t stop climaxing,” she laughed. “But I struggle to find partners who can keep up with me.”

And no wonder. The slightest thing can make the earth move for Ellie.

The throb of a BUS engine, driving over SPEED BUMPS, the purr of a LAWN MOWER, even the rhythmic motion of a PHOTOCOPIER!

Ellie, 28, told us: “People think having orgasms all the time must be brilliant—but they look at me like I’m some kind of nutter because I’m always having to stifle my sighs or scurry off for a private moment.”

The first time Ellie had an orgasm on a crowded bus, her fellow passengers were seriously alarmed.

“The engine was making the vehicle shake and suddenly I felt an unbearable tingling, my back arched and my body jerked sharply as I peaked,” she recalled.

“Everyone was staring like I was having some kind of fit as I finally yelled out. I simply couldn’t help myself. An old lady asked me what was wrong and I had to pretend I’d stubbed my toe.”

Now Ellie relies on lifts from understanding friends…

“If there’s a road with several speed humps then I’ll be off by the time we’ve crossed the last one,” she confessed. “I don’t drive very often. When I pull up just the vibrations are enough to set me off.

“That led to my most embarrassing moment—when a policeman stopped me for sneaking through traffic lights on amber.

“By the time he got to my window I was already pretty flustered. He said, ‘You know why I’ve pulled you over, don’t you?’

“I was bright red in the face and knew if I opened my mouth I’d have to moan or cry out as I was actually coming at that stage.

“So I just nodded and pretended to have a coughing fit, but it was pretty high pitched.

“He made me get out of the car and my legs felt really weak because I’d only just climaxed.

“They almost went from under me and he thought I was drunk so he breathalysed me!

“But once I’d composed myself I flirted with him a bit and got away with a ticking-off.”

Although PSAS is a physical disorder, causing increased blood flow to the sex organs, doctors know little about what triggers it.

There is no cure. Sufferers enjoy, or endure, up to 300 orgasms a day without warning. The condition gradually crept up on Ellie after she first had sex at 17.

“I was like most girls at first and didn’t always climax,” she said. “It didn’t really bother me. I always enjoyed sex but it wasn’t something that ruled my life.

“I’ve never been promiscuous. And I used to find lengthy sex sessions that went on for hours a bit boring.

“My orgasms were pretty run of the mill then. They’d last half a minute or so. But between the age of 18 and 20 they got more and more frequent.


“Occasionally, every few months I’d have multiple orgasms but not all the time. Now I can’t stop. I’m aroused from the moment I wake up.

“My boobs are swollen, I get this throbbing feeling and I’m desperate to climax.

“When I do it calms me down for a little while, but soon afterwards it begins again.”

Everyday activities that most of us take for granted are a minefield for Cambridge art gallery assistant Ellie.

“Out shopping I can be set off just by the vibration of people’s footsteps,” she revealed.

“Lifts and stairs are unbearable.

“I can’t work in an office because even ringing phones and humming photo-copiers do it. Gardening puts me into spasms every time I bend over and the throb of the lawnmower sparks a climax.

“And furious dancing in clubs is obviously out.

“One day I was trying to clear a blocked drain. The stench was disgusting but as soon as I started wiggling the rod about to shift the blockage, I was crying out in ecstasy!

“I don’t count how many orgasms I reach a day but it must be around 250—more on a busy day.”

Treatments for PSAS include an anaesthetic gel to numb sensation around the private parts.

But the only concession Ellie makes to her condition is to wear loose clothing to cut down on friction.

She said: “Sex provides me with just a few moments’ relief and then the tension builds up again.

“One boyfriend even went on an arduous keep-fit regime in a bid to keep up with me.

“But I still wore him out so badly he ended up in tears and we split. It’s more embarrassing when I’m with a new partner because often they think I’m putting on an act and I worry that it scares them off.

“Usually men think it’s great at first because they can bring me to orgasm in seconds with any kind of contact.

“But I’m not satisfied and keep on for hours demanding more and more action—and then it gets difficult for them and they end up feeling guilty. But it’s not their fault.

“I’ve discovered that slower, more gentle love-making can leave me a little more satisfied as it takes a bit longer to climax.

“Even then I’m talking a couple of minutes at the most!

“I drink camomile tea to calm me down and I find a few glasses of wine on a night out can help to deaden the urges a bit.”

Fortunately Ellie’s bosses at the gallery understand her unusual needs. “They know what’s happening if I suddenly go red and have to dart off,” she said.

“And I certainly serve customers with a smile. Sometimes they just might hear me gasp as well!”

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