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Archive for November, 2008

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Call it midnight my time and I am sitting in my house drowning in my loneliness. Don’t stay alone too long you might hang yourself. So anyway I chance on Oprah’s show and she be interviewing the girls from my best soap Sex and the City.

sex-n-the-city

You should have seen how fast I threw loneliness out of the window and put couch back into potato.

So anywho the girls are who they are in person from the little I gathered in an interview done before May 30 when the movie wasn’t even out. Oh Uganda the land of backwardness.
Mr Bigg when you run into Cynthia Nixon (Miranda) ask her what went wrong? I mean THIS?

Apparently love is love and she says she is so in love with Christine. Didn’t Sex in that city teach her nothing? I am still in shock n now I only like three of the girls/women.

Especially Samantha. Now if I was asked who I wanted to be…..Ok no one is asking as yet but I will say I would totally wanna be Samantha. Minus the herd of men. But really who don’t wanna have fun like Samantha n be a trisexual? I wanna try everything and have all of you judge me like you are doing now. That woman she is sex on legs and I think she should have been paid more because she really is the sex in that city.

And then of course Mr. Bigg was on the show too, looking oooh so suave. So funny, so kind, witty, so loving, so understanding and such a spoiler. At some point in that sentence I wrote something about the Mr. Bigg in my life. Heck he could have been the dude on that couch waving at them screaming women. And I wouldn’t just sit there playing cool. I would stand up n tell ya’ll to keep your ooohs and aaaahs to your selevuz. Ok at this point if you are becoming nauseated with my Mr Bigg talk move your cursor and click on the next blog just don’t throw up on mine.

And now some of my Chika quotes from the movie
Samantha Jones: The good ones screw you, the bad ones screw you, and the rest don’t know how to screw you.

Carrie Bradshaw: Well, honny, what have you been eating?
Samantha Jones: Everything except Dante’s dick.

Carrie Bradshaw: Yes, the honeymoon to a romantic Mexican resort that I prepaid on my credit card to surprise the man who jilted me.

Jerry ‘Smith’ Jerrod: You seem distant.
Samantha Jones: Distant? You’re still in me.

Samantha Jones: Jesus honey! Wax much?
Miranda Hobbes: What? My marriage is going through a rough spot. I dont have time to wax!
Samantha Jones: I could be on death row and not have that *situation*!

Samantha Jones: You see? This is how it starts. Next thing you know, we’re only having sex three or four times a week.

If you think I am so on and on about Sex and the City you should see me in action about Boston Legal and the awesome character than Alan Shore is. That sarcasm sure does drop pants

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It’s been a while since I last blogged. Frankly I was becoming too comfortable not blogging and I guess it was beginning to be imagined that I had fallen off the surface of the earth. So here, I am checking in to let it be known that I am still living, breathing and kicking. And I will be blessing you with a proper blog post in a bit.

In the mean time, I would like to introduce the ladies to Betty Beauty  , hair dye for the hair down there. You can pimp ya Betty with various colors. Wanna be blonde, auburn, blue, green, etc you are welcome to die your Betty whatever color.

Chanel, honey, I took the liberty of ordering Fun betty for you. Hey, I know what I want to see and I go out and get it. Who can blame me?

funbetty

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Will I see you there?

This came into my mail yesterday and thought its something you guys to see if you havent recieved it yet. It came from a group called “Greatestdemonstration Uganda”. What I know is that I will be there if not as a reporter as a Ugandan who painfull pays Social Security. Those chaps better be serious kubanga I aint buying tear gas masks for nothing.

After it has become clear that we have no leaders to protect us, we have decided to mobilise all workers especially those saving with NSSF, all well wishers and the general public to stage a mass demonstration, dubbed Greatest Demostration2008 starting at Nakivubbo Stadium through the city to Kololo Air strip where we have invited several patriotic speakers to address the gathering.

During the gathering at Kololo air strip, we expect to announce officially a countrywide sit down strike to protest our discontent with the manner in which the NSSF saga was resolved especially that the Top administration of the country has openly and shamelessly supported the culprits. The country has gone to the dogs, and we cannot afford to do nothing.

Secondly, if we have lost faith in NSSF to manage our money, now is the time for the retirement scheme to be liberalised so that workers are able choose who they should save their money with. After all, the most poor of us has no social security for their old age, so why must the government compel us to deposit our hand earned money with her, only to repeatedly abuse our savings. Remember that the issues of the Mugoya-Nsimbe Estates was never cleared. In any case these two are only among the several filthy transactions that take place every day. Many of you are particularly aware that many people feign death albeit unsuccessfully many times in order for their spouses to be able to access their savings at the critical time when the need the money to take their children to school or after losing their jobs.

Finally, help us to forward this message to as many employers and employed people as possible so that we can mobile a commanding crowd. Additionally we shall be putting up radio announcements on a select few radio stations if permitted, considering the sensitivity of the matter to be aired we might to be able to make such an announcement.

Now me thinks while they are at it, they should ask all employers to stop remitting funds to NSSF. I dont know about you but I am not a charity organisation donating money to rich fellows like Amama Mbabazi nga atte bebali mukintu.

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KAKKA

Because it’s the topic of the day I thought I should share this forward. What is your type/s

1. GHOST KAKKA:
The kind where you feel the kakka come out, but there is no kakka in the toilet.

2. CLEAN KAKKA:
The kind where you kakka it out, see it in the toilet,but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

3. WET KAKKA:
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels un-wiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won’t ruin them with stains.

4. SECOND WAVE KAKKA:
This happens when you’re done kakka-ing and you’ve
pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize
that you have to kakka some more.

5. POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD KAKKA:
The kind where you Strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

6. LINCOLN LOG KAKKA:
The kind of kakka that is so huge you’re afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet
brush.

7. GASSY KAKKA:
It’s so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.

8. DRINKER’S KAKKA:
The kind of kakka you have the morning after a long
night of drinking. It’s most noticeable trait is the skid
marks on the bottom of the toilet.

9. CORN KAKKA:
The kind of kakka where the corn look like raisins in
a muffin.

10. GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-KAKKA KAKKA:
The kind where you want to kakka but all you do is
sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

11. SPINAL TAP KAKKA:
That’s where it hurts so badly coming out, you’d swear
it was leaving you sideways.

12. WET CHEEKS KAKKA
(The Michael Schumacher Kakka):
The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get
splashed with water.

13. THE DANGLING KAKKA:
This kakka refuses to drop in the toilet even though
you are done kakka-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.

14. THE SURPRISE KAKKA:
You’re not even at the toilet because you are sure
you are about to fart, but *oops* — a kakka!

Now u know what ‘kakka’ is…..and what type your kakka is…hehehehehe!!! (Shit!)

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Spot the celebrity.

I happen to have the same alma mater with a famous human being who ya assignment for today is to identify/spot.

I chanced on this photo on Facebook( where all past things people are not too proud of come to life). He was a couple of classes a head of me.Seeing him today, you would never imagine he was a FUMBLER.

Famous people are just like us, they didn’t have fabulous taste in the past.

before-they-were-famous

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Not the Plumber I mean Joe The Biden. This witty Democrat can diss without trying.

Biden on Giuliani during Tuesday’s MSNBC debate: “Rudy Giuliani… I mean, think about it! Rudy Giuliani. There’s only three things he mentions in a sentence — a noun, a verb, and 9/11. There’s nothing else! There’s nothing else! And I mean this sincerely. He’s genuinely not qualified to be president.”

That line was picked from this website and that is how far my interest in American elections goes. I see guys about to cry here at office consoling themselves that Obama is going to lose, they are going to rig the elections. Well I believe that is just so if he loses it will hurt less but if he wins I wont hear the last of it.

The other day I had a big argument with Mr Bigg that when we were out of breath I concluded that clearly men and women are from different planets. We even had to pause, go grab a drink and continue arguing. I heard an ego crashing followed by a banging door. But the dude dont give up he just came back and argued my pants off. I was dissing a chic who Mr Bigg insist is very beautiful. A knock out.
Me thinks she don’t look good at all even if she spends a day at the M.A.C store getting a makeover. Well unless Photoshop stepped in and put her head on Beyonce’s body, gave her Angelina Jolie’s lips and Jessica ‘Alba’s eyes, nose and smile. So to make my point I send Mr Big this link with this photo.

Does this look cute?

Does this look cute?

His reaction
“You just had to go and fish out the one were she looks ugliest” Damn right I had too.

And to prove his point he sends me this link with this Photoshopped Macy Gray.

Ladies, fellows back me up here. Tell him he is wrong. Anyway would rock this boat?

If you do Rentedmess I will offer you free Kalango here. Anyways check out this blog. Its the last I will ever advertise

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