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Archive for December, 2008

Wrong Side Business

I needed to know, I needed to know the truth, I needed for him to tell me the truth so that I can start a new year as a new person.

But I was scared. Scared shitless, everyone is scared of that moment right? Breaks a heart so bad that even when you breath the air burns your lungs. When you eat its almost as swallowing stones. Right?

I didn’t know where to start, how do I ask, who do I tell, who do I ask to be by my side? But is it their business anyway? And if I got the answer I didn’t want to hear it was my answer no need to broadcast my broken heart.

I make my way to town Tuesday morning. Call him up and he says when he gets to town at midday he will call me. His day off but if its important will show.

So anyho I run my errands, run out of stuff to do while I wait. Its only 9 a.m. Head out to the salon, if am gonna get good news might as well look good, if its bad news might as well come while I look good. Don’t hurt at all.

Call comes in “Meet at post office.” Could have come along with a gun. Too much traffic jam, walk the long distance. He is not there when I arrive, moved to Speke Hotel. We drive to Wandegeya.

Into his office. Talk about nothing, friends, family, work blah blah blah. Get to the point already.

Ask my question he gives me answers I don’t want to hear. Goes into a lengthy lecture.

Takes a hike saying his workmate will deliver the news I should go to the office down. Workmate says I wait 30 minutes as he gets busy.

Decide whatever the crap happens life is a bitch anyway. I drink some fire a.k.a milk. Tested like hot chilly fire.

Antipop over there keeps calling me don’t wanna say what I am doing and surely can’t leave until I have an answer.
Make a list of what to do with my life, move on or drown in sorrow. Throw a pity party or party and drink my life away. Decided aint nothing to worry about. Push fear out of my way.

His friend calls me in. Its TIME. Fear comes crashing in again. Sits me down, asks when I last did Wrong Side Business. Tell him a while maybe mid year. Asks what answer I want to hear, I say I don’t know.

Asks when I plan on doing wrong side business again, say I don’t know.

Says supposing someone insists, I say I am way too grown up for that bullshit.

“Anyway it’s negative”

Now that’s one hell of an experience I don’t want to go through again. He, my doctor by the way, says I looked like a blotted chicken in front of him.

When I told Mr Bigg later that day that I had taken the test, I am sure he fainted. Probably more scared of the results than I was, probably not but sounded like it. I am still waiting for my treat MISTER.

No more Wrong Side Business.

How are you starting your 2009?

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Bloggers you ROCK….

I would like to take this moment to say to all of you that I am SPEECHLESS. I don’t know where to start. What you don’t know is that when I left home to come and meet you guys in town I didn’t have electricity. So you can imagine I was in panic but thanks to I don’t know who the guys actually fixed it. Phew! I don’t want to imagine

  • Erique I don’t know where the hell you got those driving skills. I could swear you drive a taxi in your pass time and race your taxi buddies around this town. But thank you so much for not whining about how far the house is.
  • Antipop my darling what would I do without you my mama chips. Trust if it wasn’t for you those guys would have starved. You know you are my cup cake and I owe you big time.
  • Solomon that wine was the  Shiznit, if I had known earlier I would have hijacked all of it for me. Two bottles of Lambrosco at that? Thank you and Thank you
  • Dee, girl you can rock a party without shame. You looked Hoooooot lucky for Baz I am not gay. To all you envy people out there I got the honour of a lap dance. And now I will tick off my list “I kissed a girl.” We should do this again and again.
  • Eden even if you are across the atlantic and I am throwing a party I would chatter a plane for you. Whats a party without all that comedy. You guy are a theatre factory put together.
  • Flora, I dont even want to imagine what would have been of that party if you hadnt suggested spin the bottle. Girl you sure know these things. And boy can you lap dance or can you lap dance. Solomon really had a blast. And I aint gonna say sorry for the distance girl, it was worth having you around
  • Baz, who would have thunk that you can also swing a leg. And was totally honoured to hav a celeb step into my house. You is lucky by the way.
  • Silverbow get with the system you know where Flora works tell her to teach you lap dances. But woman where did you learn to kiss like that? DAMN!
  • Igiss I am still beating myself for being so clumsy. Trust me even I am disappointed I am still kicking myself.
  • Martha that dude who came with you cheated everyone else. I mean all the girls in the house? He should pay me. But girl thank you so much.
  • Dante I didnt know you look so good like that. Carlo is lucky. And if you ever dodge the bottle like that again i will smack it on your head.
  • DeTamble brown girl in the ring. The next time I will get you and Rev a room kubanga I will not die of envy like that.
  • Ivan, I wonder if the people you live with ever get bored. You should start a stand up comedy night. I am sure you would become a millionaire in a heartbeat.
  • Jay UG naye mama I hope you have got back your breath by now.
  • Carlo I am so sorry but I swear we needed a blogger end of year party. If you must know your boyfriend missed you a lot as you can see here
  • Cheri, nude party? Bring it on.
  • And my darling Vincencia I hope one day you will become a blogger.
  • Savage thanks for stealing attention from our party. But you know what we had more fun than you can imagine. So you could have stolen the lightening but not the thunder.
  • And everyone else whose names I didn’t get I had the best time of my life.

Merry Christmas yall.

Oh and Thank you very much for rocking. Keep on Keeping on

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Howdy happy people…..

…..I am looking forward to playing hostess this saturday in fact i am nervous. I am the “is everyone confortable and having fun” kind of hostess. So I will be happy to have anyone at mine, even if its only you. I cant say my house is near town in fact becasue its far a witty friend of mine suggested that I hold the house warming some place else nearer town. Would it still be warming my house?

Antipop suggests we meet up at Rugby Club at 2p.m.

Now please come with a bottle. You can flood me with whatever else you want to have, off to buy that cake.

Sayonara

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Some journalists in Uganda can annoy. I watched Caroline Mbabazi on Siasa /Kampala Central/EATV trying to educate her fellow panelists that there is a law in Uganda that allows Red Pepper to poke their nose into your privacy and tell lies about you and the size of your thingie if they so wish.

It didn’t help matters that she hijacked the show and talked on top of her voice saying the law allows Red Pepper to run your nude pictures but there is a law against other papers like Weekly Observer, Daily Monitor or New Vision.

To make matters worse she said that this law was created when society accepted Red Pepper the way it is. Heck if that is how laws are made then why are defilers not hanged? How come I dont wake up an American citizen every morning.

I think it should be made legal to castrate philandering husbands because if you ask around many women agree.

So Really how can they let such unsubstantiated crap run in three countries. Mbabazi please quote for me that law, when the was bill tabled in parliament, when was it passed . Which article is that that I have missed. What’s the name of that Constitution, Penal Code, Press and Journalist Act or Media Statute?

And for your information mum Karitas Karisimbi has sued Red Pepper and won among other people. When they failed to pay her she impounded their Benzs. Red Pepper will never tell you that.

So while you are feeling sorry for those you are educating without giving them chance to talk please give them facts. Especially when it comes to the law. If I go on I will sound like I am jealous of the beautiful Caroline so I will let her have her shine while the others look like TV graphics around Caroline. She totally made them look like her bitches while she lied to every one of us.

Moving on WBS’s Diana Kagere has finally put her man in her safe house. Shut up you, I didnt say safehouse, I said S.A.F.E H.O.U.S.E. Two words.

Here is one of her braidsmaids in the uniform gomesi.

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Check out my boy-follow-me hairstyle

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Diana and her man. She sure did break hearts when she picked on this one.

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Diana, the bride’s very handsome adorable nephew Ethan and me in my Chanels. My best bud gave me those.

Now the bogezi were so boring I wanted to kick them so hard and send them back ro where bogezi come from. Where do grasshoppers come fron by the way? Anyway the bride was so eager to meet her fiance if she had to pay top dollar for fastforward she would have paid to jump the cue and sit next to Timothy the minute his entourage arrived. She looked even more beautiful than I had seen her. And her bootay, I am sure it left alot of people talking. It is even a stage name that bum. Imagine when I stopped at the stage I told the boda guy, I am going to Diana’s house.
Ko him, “Ogamba olyomuwala owebina eddene?” RIYALE. Sorry Igiss, this bootay is off the shelf.

I remember one time my mum was sending a boda guy home and the guy goes, “Ogamba chili echiwala ki Chanel Ekyepanka” This dude can lie. Ask Antipop if you fear Mr Bigg.

Now really people how many of you are having your office end of year parties at the start of the year. Show me one company and I will show you a liar.

Who will be in the mood to boogie on the 10th or 17th of Jan when the kajanja of parties has died off?

I am in the mood for an end of year blogger party. Thats gat a ring to it right? No? Ok bring your ear closer and let me ryhme again. End Of year Blogger Parrrrrttttty. This saturday 20th. Come on people End the year in style. I call it the shorts skirts end of year party if that will get you to come. Make it happen.

Question: how about we borrow that office idea n exchange gifts at that party. Whatsayyou??? Is that a yes. Work with me people. If thats a yes, come with a bottle, not mineral water not a 300ML soda. A good bottle. Spread the word.

Did I meantion that if you talk to me nicely I will even throw in a cake???

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Wats cookin my good people?!?? So I was away letting her and her have their shine. Now if you will excuse me ladies and move over I want my throne back.

In case you are wondering (Or not) I have been trying to spend Christmas in Spain but my plans fell apart when boss man couldn’t see me on another plane out of here. I hear I have had enough of travelling this year and he needs everyone around during this time. I hate my job now though I cant trade it. Anyone planning anything for the holidays? Send the invites to # Iotaville.

I am also trying to settle in. Moved house. Bigger, better, fresh air, new start, lots of cleaning, tired, need a car. Now you know what that means, HOUSE WARMING suckers.

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Yall invited and you better show up. I mean Carlo I aint taking no excuses, DeTamble I dont care if yo 1000 miles away, Dante that car better find its bearings towards Chanel’s. B2B exams or no exams see if I care. Drag the Mrs along. Igiss we need those bonfire tale tales. Eddsla Carlo will be there n hopfully Ish. Nevender I need the holy spirit smiling down on the new crib. Baz yo the boss so really you dont need permission. Dee ask for lday off, Petesmumz, its on Jinja road right after the ant hill you turn left facing the bit tree then right besides the kibanda.

Ela namwe abalala mwagala invaitie??? Those up there are the schoolfees defaulters? The rest my good people May the roof above us never fall in and may we good companions beneath it never fall out

Now I am off to join my girl Diana Kagere at her Kwanjula. Can’t wait for the Bogezi banter, they make the kwanjula so entertaining.

Ed: You have until thursday to make up your minds. If you are on this list, your boney ass better show up otherwise, ogyakungwako.

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Eye Candy: YUMMY!!!!

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So which one is your favourite pair of jeans? Gotcha SUCKERS

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