Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for January, 2009

This Sunday February 1st is Superbowl Sunday. While the rest of the World has it’s world cup every four years, Americans have the league finals of the National Football league(NFL) of pro American football every first Sunday of February and boy is it a spectacle. Retailers get a spike in sales of Televisions, beer, pizza and chips. And also most companies unveil their newest television adverts on that day. And as such it costs obscene amounts of money to advertise during the Superbowl telecast. This year, it costs Three Million dollars to buy 30 seconds of advertising time or $100,000 per second.

And one woman is not left out of the action. Amy Borkowsky, wants to use the Superbowl to find a husband. She wants you to contribute and help her raise $3M to buy Superbowl airtime to run a personal Ad.The world is CRAZY!!!!

Talking about Amy, there is a song off Britney Spears’ “curious” album called “If you seek Amy”, that has parents up in protest. Apparently Britney Spears is saying “F*CK ME”. Here is the interpretation. “If you seek amy” … now that sounds like … “eff-you-see-kay me”. – F.U.C.K ME.

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

A couple of months ago, five to be precise; August 4 2008 to be even more precise 3N a Kenyan blogger put up this post on cougars and their toy boys. The writer summed up his post with a picture of Demi Moore who be defiling the young bubbly Ashton Kutcher. That baby boy totally accessories her grown ass I tell you. Her latest bag boy.

Now this post is not about stealing 3N’s idea but making something of the responses/comments.
If you think that you gat comments on your posts, check out 3N. 3N is a guy by the way. Most of the comments here are from younga boyizi cutting out a trade in the gigolo industry. Who would have thunk when Nick Cannon did that “Gigolo” song he was gonna start a trend and lead it.

Now to think that men spend a s**t load of their time coming up with names to rain on our poor souls, slut, Malaya agudde edalu, ladies of the night, kimotoka, NGO, asamba gwansibi, sex machine, alenga akaboozi, Namazzi, freaking whore Spartakus help me out here.

The tables are turning and now the men are trading their gologos even more ridiculously than I can ever imagine. The way things are going if God could enable them to grow a vagina, this gigolo industry would make top dollar.

At 3N’s, the nigger has 80, no I lied its actually 93 comments and still counting. Lord help me but men are the biggest sluts in this world. Gasiya tuuuuu.

They say all women are sluts but at least we don’t go it like this do we?

I hate it when men crowd our bidness but for the sake of getting the Whore name off my itinerary to take a place besides man I could totally accommodate a manwhore taking over this business. To break it down to you here are a few comments from 3N’s.

First one is about one of our own, sitole told by Archer

I for one wouldn’t mind a sugar mummy. Ati I can patia her strokes za “shingo upande” (Thr33 help me out here)

and get paid well for my services? Why the hell not? A couple of years ago, I had this Ugandan pal in SA. He met a white mathee in her 50s in a casino and after she chapad him good storoz, they found themselves in bed. That was the beginning of an arrangement. Her hubby was bila time for her, always out on foreign work related trips and when he was around, his strokes were mbof. (pot belly, erectile dysfunction) so she had my pal on speed dial and she’d call him two or three times a week. He’d sort out his rent with one week’s pay (and he already had a good allowance from his folks) the dude was balling major! Later she recommended him to her pals who were also willing to pay him for strokes. He’d earn R1200 a week from her alone, and R2400 a week from her two pals. (R14,400/month…roughly Ksh 140k). On the one hand, dude paid his rent for the whole year, bought a nice BMW, and put a lot of cash aside for a rainy day.

THAT IS LIKE 3.7 million Uganda Shillings. Spartakuss please leave those figures alone and get back to work.

If I could make such good money, without the risk of the hubby finding out, then why the hell not? There’s demand, other guys are doing it, and the pay is very good. So why the hell not?

Someone clamoring to be a manwhore. Next

20 years old hot blood in nai. am kidogo slim.wanjorich@yahoo.co.uk

Kidogo means small right? So surely how does this baby boy expect to score big bank accounts when he tells on his little problem. Ahem. Anyway lets talk home, there are a couple of Ugandans who are also displaying for the gigolo title. Nanti they say atunda ayolesa yamazawo amangu. Like….

David: Hi there greetings to the viewers and the editors. (Baz, Tumwi he is talking to you)
Good work you are doing. Well I am also a young man from the country Uganda in need of a sugar mummy from any where in the world for sex relationship.
Can call me direct on +2563773605280.

And:
Sam Miles: Am 22years, Ugandan seeking for a sugar mummy. from any country. sms me or call on 256-752-225633.or mail me on kigozisam@gmail.com

Or

Shane: Hey, I’m a 22 year old Ugandan looking for a cougar. mail me at archbishop@marafiki.com and we can exchange sensible contacts. I’m not so much in to publishing telephone contacts online You can also check out my photos on facebook. http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2007795&l=20a5a&id=1116391658

If you want more Shane visit that link but here he is.

shane

And lastly
any sugar mom interested in wettin ma dry panties can hola thro +254713640463 or skarano@yahoo.com

But not least
Young 7.5 inchs,big header cock needs a hot,wet,yummy,meaty & caring sugar mummy for kinky romance,discrete relationship & super licking.promise whoever hooks me up a perfect treatment.my phone no. +25472677038 call me or more.

YUCK. You could have drawn a picture dude!

Now be sure I am going to dial these numbers and ask to meet up these manwhores. Anyone who knows me sure knows fat bank account don’t go in the same line with Chanel. I wanna see the reaction on their faces when they realise I am not even one million rich and I happly drive a footsubish. By the time I am done with them they will be sorry they chose the gigolo industry. Muhahahaha. Stay tuned.

Off cuff: Museveni must be thanking God for Obama is president-elect no more. Poor guy was having trouble pronouncing ELECT.

Read Full Post »

Answers@chanel.net

Ok that Karamoja thing is racist or tribalist or what so I will just say we shall not wait for Thr33, Mrs B2B and King to make up their minds. Now now people eh nga you can want to know. Mpozi Antipop said I tell it like it is? Hmmmm. Sparkavelli, Riyalle???? Anyway lets play this Moment of Truth.

1.Basix
I also thought people would ask me what they wanna know but I can see it has gone to as far as what they wanna have. Bayaya. See they even brought out the mugishu in me.

What did you want to be when you were younger?
Same thing every kid was mumbling doctor, lawyer, Pilot. Now I am a miserable journalist. Who would have thunk.

Though I remember one kid said she wanted to be a prostitute. Why? She said they are always smart, have manicured nails, nice shoes and nice hair dos. If that’s my kid I take you to the convent immediately.

What is the relationship between you and your parents like?
My Mum is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. I am what I am because of her. She cracked that whip that woman. But I am so grateful for every beating I got. Now my dad I couldn’t care less.

Have you ever had a mad fling that you almost couldn’t control?
and yeah,
Mad fling? Sure. I am not a nun am I?

What are your dopest series/ sitcoms ever??
Sex and the City. Samantha is for world cup.
Then Boston Legal, the satire is killer

2.31337This is golden opportunity. wait i go find things to lay upon your person
Three you are the intelligencia surely you cannot take this long.

3.Mrs B2B
Ooooh this is going to be fun. Not yet sure how to articulate what i want to ask so i will ask later.

Mrs B2B, Riyale

4.Igis
What part of your body do you like the most? Your eyes? Hands? Legs? Bootay?

Huh, lets see, aaamm, eh, ha, I like to see myself in the mirror in some sexy lingerie so probably everything around there. But eh

If you were to live in another country, which one would it be?
Bali in Indonesia. Everyday is holiday in Bali.

Glass Half full? Glass Half empty?
Isnt it the same thing? But Glass half full

Did you ever have a crush on any of your teachers?
No, I was the class clown, I never had time to pay attention to teachers because I had to make up jokes about them. But recently though I had a crash on my tutor in South Africa called Jude Mathurine. He reminded me of Reno Raines a.k.a Lorenzo Lama in Renegade with his pony tail, dirty jeans and French. And he is tall like that. Damn!!!!

5.King.
EH!! Too many questions. Let me filter them first.
I shall not wait for potholes to vanish from Kampala

6.Miss Cheri
Attey what did Cheri do,when did she do it and to who??
You lied to us that you will be sashying through Ebb Aiport Christmas season you liar.

I sent texts messages for people to come and have drinks with me at Effendy’s but….

……But what the network was bad? I know MTN is crappy lately but you could have beaten a kalango on ChaBaSa.

.the networks were too busy. All I got were ((not)delivered reports. Ok, lemme text again.

I knew it, I you that line was coming. I haven’t yet received the text woman. So whats the excuse now?

7.Wolf in Sheep’s skin a.k.a Cheri

When did u lose your virginity?
Some time at Campus. I know I don’t believe it either.

. Do u like it best on your back, belly, fours or side?
On my threes. Don’t ask me how that is done.

What name do u call your Vibrator? Rabbit? Pathfinder? Hare? Ichuli?
I have been meaning to get one. Never thought it would need a name. Is that what you call yours? Ichuli? Eh Cheri Naughty naughty.

Why did u choose a pink RABBIT (Assuming that’s what u call him)?
I call him sukari suga Mr Bigg.

Educate me. Dry cells or solar panels for the rabbit.
Rabbit is the vibrator?

Oh lets see when I get one I will use duracell because the advert says they are durable. And I see a rabbit running past the finishing line.

If u use dry cells, which ones would u advise me to use? Because I heard that Tiger head gets used up in 2 minutes…maybe ENERGISER. The name is slightly apt.
Eh but Cheri please write me a dossier on this vibrator thing. So like you can even use solar panels? What happens in winter or rainy days? And if it stops in the middle of you know. Before you you know. What happens? So do they also come in black? Can it hold me after? And caress my hair? Can it fix me a sandwich and fix my car? Pick the bills? Yes? No? Where can I buy one?
Ok I am supposed to be giving answers not asking questions.

Do blind people see their dreams?
I tried to ask a blind person but then thought it offensive. But answebag.com says Yes, blind people do have dreams. However, those blind since birth or very early childhood have no visual imagery in their dreams. Instead, they experience a very high percentage of taste, smell, and touch sensations in their dreams.

Andrew Mwenda or Odrek Rwabogo?
Odrek oba? I cant stand snobs, I like a man who can listen to me not one who will talk a hole in my ears and act like I am lucky I am by his side.

Kevin O’Connor or William Pike?
Kevin O’Connor? Urgh! I just threw up. Have you see him? William Pike is a Jjaja too and is probably my boss so you better pray he doesn’t read blogs otherwise I will be sending you my bills when I run out of a job. I don’t want him going, mwana wange walindese nempumulamuko naye nfa when I break his back.

Djs Alex Ndaula or Fat Boy?
Eh but Cheri how can you insult me like that? Ndaula? Ahem, kale I am offended. Just the thought repulses me. Now Fat Boy the other day on radio this chic (said was girlfriend) calls in and says that he is…. you know those things I don’t like. I don’t want to say because Fat Boy reads blogs. He will hang me dry on national radio.

Bobby Wine or Dizzy Nuts?
Last year Bobi Wine rapped a girl, that’s totally repulsive. I just don’t know how he gets away with all these things. Who is Dizzy Nuts? And imagine me saying “Dizzy Nuts honey” Who can want to date a nut job like that one?

Please show my comments. I got spammed
I just did answer all of them. Phew

8.Princess
I think I’ll sit this one out. Wait for the answers. LOL

How am I doing so far?

9.Val
Lol @ Wolf in sheep’s clothing..
In the mood for some mush (blame Petesmama)…so who was your first love?
High School Sweetheart called Saleh. Wait till you see my Lexus he gave me on our first month anniversary.

If you could change something about yourself what would it be?
I wanna be more aggressive and tell off people when the step on my head. I just fear confrontation and shouting back and forth.
Plus I look like a midget near my boyfriend. He 6 feet me 5.4.

High heel strappy shoes, or boots?
Strappy High Heels. They are Hott. Sex on legs.

10.Ashy
Lol. Lol @ Wolf in sheep’s skin

Yeah Ashy that chic tasasila.

11.someone masquerading as the antipop but who is not really antipop
How do you feel about antipop?

Antipop, If I were male I would marry her.

12.j.
will yu give me some?

Johnny right now I am having a cup tea and I would totally love to share it. Do you eat Namungodi and jambula too? You can have some of it as well.

13.petesmama
Eh. Will you answer all these questions?
Mamapete I am trying but mama yangu these bloggers tebasonyiwa


14.spartakuss
Do you believe that your love for fish causes your “dish” to smell consequently giving all the guys who go down on you memorable albeit undesirable topics for conversation while drinking beers?

Poor Sparkavelli, and you still give head? Nttttsssk. Just open your mouth and tell the chic to stop eating the damn fish. Eh but how can you even go through a whole session? Ahem.
So please lets imagine we are having a beer, so how does it feel? You know me I am not gay so I cant know. Surely you can only be talking from experience. Come on stand up and speak for yourself.

Your breasts: have you ever had them sucked?
Lelo luno nabeyitide. But to answer you, every other time.

Underwear: is it a reflection of how you secretly feel, or how you sexually express yourself?
How I sexually express myself.

Your crush on Baz: is it driven by the fact that he is a well published author, or just that he is a great writer? or that you will never have him?
That I will never have him. Have you seen Dee? Have you? Have you? Have you? I remember you fell off a chair checking her out. Man the chic is banging, ask me who got the pleasure of a striptease from her. Heck I wouldn’t live that for anything if I was Baz.

15.Kakaire
Hehehehehe!!!!

Osese? Kale

16.Kakaire
I bet this is not what you had in mind when you asked people to ask you anything.

I am even sweating trying to put up a straight line of truth here.

17.Emi
Munage, but I will get back at them at the next house party.

17.silverbow
most memorable one night stand, if u can pick it out of the many (dont argue. just answer)….

Mwana wange Ndeka oyagala kunemesa bufumbo?

Read Full Post »

AskChanel.com

Its some dragging start of the year I tell you. Bloggers be hybernating, others be recollecting, Cheri be lying to us over and over again.  I be reading and re-reading posts. And B2B unearthed a post that had me stealing his idea. I wanna air my dirty laundry to all and sundry.

So how about you drop me your 21 questions.  That million dollar question you’ve been dying to ask, speak now or forever shut up.  Lay it all on me. Aaah Thr313, not like that. What I mean is bring it on.  I will try and answer them.

READY

STEADY

GO

MR BIG UPDATE: I will soon blog, but couldn’t wait to share this story. A man donated a kidney to his wife. Now they are divorcing and he wants it back.

Read Full Post »

In my past life I was a softy. You might wanna read that again because I said In My Past Life. That was then. Try crossing my path now, my back hand grip will meet your face.

So in this past life I had a friend of mine, very good friend in fact best friend. Oba? How come I doubt? I used to live with her. She was the high flying have it all mean bitch type. None of our friends wanted to stay with her so I went ahead and did.

She would wake up on the wrong side of the bed and bite your head off, I would take that shit. We were opposites. All it would take is me shutting the F up when she bitched. Silence solves a lot of things.
When we had just joined Campus I didn’t have a phone. One night my best bud (?!?) was going away to see her boyfriend n she left me her phone. I asked if I could page (beep is so last year) some people. She said yes I should switch it off after I am done.

No sooner had she walked out than her mother called. (I went to grammar class people) Apparently her mother doesn’t expect her to have a boyfriend. Hahahahahahaha. HER? At Campus? A grown ass woman? If there are any mothers reading this and you agree you just don’t want your girls to get married.

So anywho mother calls, I go in panic, I didn’t know what to do coz I knew I was buried six feet under with that phone ringing in my hand. I used to be the room keeper if that’s what they call people who don’t go out everyone expects to find you in the room watching the door attending to bouncing benchers and taking messages.

So I run out the door calling out to her. She has zoomed off  already. Another friend comes in I ask her to take the call because I was almost peeing my pants. (Life is so full of stages, was that me?) We tell the old woman her daughter is at neighbouring hostel in a discussion she is about to come back. Some discussion that one. Its almost 10p.m.

Then we call her on boyfriend’s phone tell her to call her mother who wants to talk to her.

In five minutes she kicked the door in James Bond style looking like a raging bull. Heck she could have  carried a gun to complete the 007 scene. Ok I lie it don’t take five minutes to come from Bukoto to Braetd.

She: “You idiot bitch fool buffoon kumanyoko”

Me:
“Eh listen you had jusss….”

She: SHUT UP you mother fucker, don’t talk to me, give me my phone you rotten piece of shit,” (Mother fucker? Me? Who does that? I am not even close to gay)

Me: In bed crying my eyes out.

Meanwhile my [brave]friend is standing here explaining to the raging bull there who is calling her mother (who just wanted to say good night by the way) and later her boyfriend.

She to boyfriend: You pussy never come to my hostel again. You’re stupid. You’re mother is stupid. You’re all stupid. You rotten pussy you refused to bring me back. Fuck you”

Me knew I was in deep shit, I mean Kakka. Double Kakka if you add on getting boyfriend in trouble. I wailed myself to sleep. (No no no no you’re embarraasing me Princess. No hugs)

How I wish I could re-live that moment again. Walahi I would bring Jackie Chan, Karate Kid, Jet Lee, Rambo, Michael Dudikoff, Cynthia Rothrock, and Stone Cold together and kick her James Bond ass back to boyfriend’s house and make her apologise to him with my patagonia up her ass. Thats not how to treat a man. What happened to the little word called respect?

To be continued………

Read Full Post »