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Archive for September, 2009

Joel dishes out revenge

And when Kabushenga apologised it really sounded too good to be true how the whole New Vision went down on her or is it his knees and asked mengo, Buganda, Baganda, and the last muganda in Lusaka lwamese to forgive New Vision.

Bet he must have known what was coming to them. Now CBS is paying in very high currency (apparently 60 million daily). They didn’t see that one coming did they? Word from the grapevine (read Buganda attorney General) is the only person to give the go ahead to open CBS is Joel.

Until Joel raises a finger CBS will continue to make loses everyday, render many people jobless and be punished for the mistakes or the lack there of of a few people. If Kibazo was called off WBS, why not do the same to some programmes on CBS rather than close the radio station? Joel is still really irked by the Kabaka not taking his calls and many people have to pay.

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Not really new but this hit is off the HOOK. Nuff said. see for yourselefu. Cheribel wamma I am hoping you havent watched this. I know Antipop you haven’t as you are buried into that stress called a job so I hope you enjoy it. The good thing is its not pop.

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I sure will miss Ramadhan

Nanti I have been enjoying the pleasure of eating amidst people without the worry that someone is going to jump from nowhere and demand for half my breakfast, ice cream, cake.

Here I was thinking those of begging stopped in high school naye wapi. One time I attempted to have this stupidly expensive Nido milk at office. The evening it came some people had three cups of African Tea and were at my desk 7 sharp. Whats African about this tea by the way?

I already have two people kicking me to feed them nutritious this and that I hear even Mukene.

kati gatako office people riyale do I finish (Mba malako?)

And then there is this dude he likes to take care of his interests buy me soda, some ice cream buy me crisps to accompany the ice cream some half of that apple. I was even thinking of eating in the toilet or something. Then ramadhan came and I could swallow right in front of the fellow.

Now I gatta find some place to hide otherwise two people always want this and that if I add the entire nation of the O family simalako.

Is this just the the Mululu that comes with the stomach oba that I only have enough for one person and one person alone no three people and that I cant enjoy my cravings in peace I have to make sure I buy extra for like five other people.

Some people in fact come to office minus breakfast saying “Ndaba the woman of the stomach will have”

or other times “You woman of the stomach call and they deliver ice cream. Ask for Pizza tell him to throw in Pringles for me” This is a man talking by the way.

So anyway do you also have beggars in yo offices too oba the disease stops here.

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What is that I hear?

…..Keep coming to my phone, calls text. IMs, emails.

That someone gave me a stomach.

This is how Ugandans ask

They gave you a stomach? Hahahaha heheheheha Kyoka you girlo. Ahem bakumaze

And the next person.Oh my God who gave you a stomach? Who is that one who finally managed to put you down?

And yet anotherSo you are the people who don’t sleep at night”

To this lot. No actually it was in broad day light I remember it was after brunch the neighbors were having a party next door

And the next Ugandan
“You have a stomach? Who is the giver?”

Mukula in office: “Oh my God what happened?”

As if friend: Who is the father?

As if colleague: Who is the father?

Do I know this one: Who is the father?

Kasyate: “Issa Issa so after Lugalaaaa…………… (VERY pregnant pose a fly could lay eggs in his mouth they turn to larvae pupa and adult.

I want to flicker the poor soul collect his jaw from the floor and help him finish the sentence. But he goes on.) “……..Goodness you know with these people of the stomach you can now freely tap some of it and know you are not responsible for the stomach”

Don’t even remember his name: Who is the father?

Taxi Driver: :Muwala webale butaswazza musajja notakoma kukumukula kwoka” For Detamble (Thanks for rewarding the man for all the times you detoothed him)

Serugo: <strong>Eh nga yo stomach looks as if there is a ban baking in the oven? Who gave you a stomach?

Carlo: Hey, how are you? Tired huh! Wen is the next party? Bridal shower baby shower? So how is Mr Big? (When is she gonna ask the billion dollar question? But she dont)

Cobbler:Eeeh Muwala nga walaba nekisajja” (how do I say this? girl you saw the ki-man)

Abayisa ebivulu (Idlers): Wuwi mama nze nfudde,
ebizajja nga tebisasila
kale omwana wabandi omuto bwati
wowe .

Hawkers: “Muvile maama wegwanga (Move bitch get out of my way, oops I mean OUR way)

Taxi Driver: Omwana womusajja lwaki omulisa ebikajjo agya kuyika amalusu (Why are you feeding the man’s child with lots of sugarcane he will ooze so much)

Me: Gamba omusajja agye amuteke mulubuto lye amulise byayagala (Tell him to get the baby put it in his stomach and feed it whatever he wants)

Random guy: Omwana wabandi mukume bulungi (take luganda lessons already or talk to Baz I hope he charges per word)

Me: Fe bandi yatutama bwomusanga mugambe amwekumilenga

DKK: “You are now of damaged goods”

Some few girl friends who think they are growing younger: Eh how can you allow to have a stomach? Kyoka you you want to grow old now? Does he have money? Wedding? Car? House in Kololo? Mwana wani? Kale for me ha how do I allow banange me I can not even walk in public looking like that. Oh God you have guts hmmm but you are not serious. Why don’t you have an abortion takes only a few minutes and you have your life back.

Some very few Ugandans and pretty much every white skinned person.
Oh my God you have a stomach, congratulations (with a huge smile on face like s/he has seen the winning lotto number)
When are you due? You must be really excited. Eat healthy and good luck.

Any questions? Queries? Comments? Additional notes? Oh and tell Tumwi the memo is officially up why I have seen the inside of a of sonographer’s room

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